Misplaced savety

BUT THEN, THE LAMB ATTACKED LION

Zijn donkere, emotieloze ogen gleden langs de horizon. Hij kwam weer in beweging, om in mum van tijd 50 meter verderop te staan. De hengst bewoog zich langs de rand van de velden, verscholen in de duisternis afkomstig van de aangrenzende bomen. Wanneer hij daadwerkelijk bewoog gebruikte hij zijn gebruikelijke snelheid, om ongeveer de 50 meter kwam de schim tot stilstand om één te worden met de schaduwen. Letterlijk onzichtbaar. Het betreurde hem nog steeds, dat hij zich niet kon verplaatsen als hij onzichtbaar was - maar daar had hij zich maar gewoon bij neer moeten leggen.
De bruine hengst was weer aan het rennen geslagen, zijn manen - die vol klitten en takjes zaten - zwiepten wild heen en weer, zijn bruine vacht en gehavende lichaam waren amper te herkennen met de snelheid waarin hij verder trok. Na weer 50 meter - als de control freak die hij was - kwam de hengst tot stilstand. En binnen enkele seconden, was hij weer volledig aan het zicht ontrokken. Hij wierp een blik omhoog, naar de donkere lucht  - ondanks dat hij al wist dat het nog geen blauwe maan was. Hij mocht nog niet moorden, nog niet.. Maar dat wilde hij wel - verdomd graag zelfs.

Wat was er in hemelsnaam van hem geworden?

De geur van een ander, onbekend paard drong zijn neus binnen. Zijn oren bewogen alert heen en weer. Een kleine grijns vormde zich rond zijn lippen. Moorden was dan nog wel niet toegestaan, maar zijn moeder had hem nooit verboden te spelen met zijn eten.
Dat was een hobby geworden van de nog jonge Hallucination, in die korte tijd dat hij een schim was. Manipuleren, beïnvloeden.. Gek maken. In principe schrokken andere paarden - als het geen blauwe maan was, natuurlijk - enkel van zijn brute verschijnen, zijn doffe vacht, duistere ogen en de honderden littekens op zijn lijf. Zijn gescherpte hoektanden vielen te verbergen. Met een beetje overtuigingskracht, kon hij zonder argwaan doorgaan voor een doodnormaal paard. Moorden mocht niet, maar vechten wel - en dat was ook wel wat vaker voorgekomen wanneer een ander.. normaal paard hem niet goed beviel.

De jonge hengst kwam weer tevoorschijn, hij snoof nog een maal - ondanks dat het overbodig was met zijn verbeterde reukvermogen en hij de richting van het andere paard allang had bepaald. Op een rustig drafje ging hij weer verder, waarbij hij afweek van zijn gewoonlijke koers langs de rand van het bos en meer de velden in trok. Het duurde even, hij onderschatte de traagheid van een normaal drafje nog wel eens, maar uiteindelijk zag hij het andere paard staan. Bovenop een klein heuveltje. Zijn eerst ietwat.. duivelse grijns maakte direct plaats voor een neppe, vriendelijke glimlach. Hij nam de hengst in zich op, maar zijn aandacht werd vooral getrokken door de bloedrode ogen van het paard. "Met wie heb ik het genoegen?” doorbrak Hallu's, voor zijn doen absurd vriendelijke en vrolijke, stem de stilte.

BUT THEN, THE LAMB ATTACKED LION

Hallucination staarde nog steeds naar de ogen van de andere hengst. De bloedrode keur verbijsterde en fascineerde hem. Als het nou gewoon al blauwe maan zou zijn geweest, dan had hij de ogen op de een of andere manier mee kunnen nemen als souvenir. Hij slaakte een ietwat teleurgestelde zucht, jammer dat dat nog niet het geval was. Wellicht zou hij tijdens de volgende blauwe maan wel op zoek gaan naar het dier, mits zijn bloeddorstigheid zijn obsessieve karakter niet zal overmeesteren. Maar met één oog minder kan je in principe ook in leven blijven.

Keuzes, keuzes, keuzes...

De jonge hengst was toen hij nog bekend stond als Graham al slecht geweest in kiezen. Net zo slecht als dat hij zelf daadwerkelijk slecht was. En dat was dan ook het enige waar hij zonder twijfel voor had gekozen; the dark side. Wat toch best een beetje gek was, zo onschuldig als hij vroeger was.. Maar anderen, keuzes en eigenlijk het leven in zijn geheel had de bruine hengst veranderd.
En hier stond hij dan, van top tot teen gehavend. Wat zou zijn familie van hem zeggen als hij ineens weer voor hun neus stond? Als jaarling was hij altijd het brave paardje van de familie geweest, tot aan zijn eerste moord.. waarna hij het contact met iedereen die hij kende verbrak. Misschien had hij toch nog niet geheel afscheid genomen van de laffe kant waar hij vroeger om bekend had gestaan. "Je hebt het niet in je om ook maar een vlieg kwaad te doen," werd hem vaak verteld. Maar hier stond hij dan, het tegendeel was bewezen. Echter, deed hij inderdaad geen vliegen kwaad.

Op barse toon gaf de hengst - die Utaro bleek te heten - antwoord. De schim moest haast moeite doen zijn lachen in te houden toen hij de nieuwsgierige blik in de ogen van de ander zag, zo keek iedereen naar hem. Iedereen. Niemand kon zich daadwerkelijk voorstellen wat er met hem in vredesnaam gebeurd was, maar de meeste vroegen hem er niet naar. Sterker nog, niemand heeft hem er ooit naar gevraagd. "Hallucination," antwoordde hij, waarbij hij kort knikte. Nu was het zijn beurt om de hengst met een licht nieuwsgierige blik aan te kijken. De meeste paarden stonden niet meer bovenop een heuvel - helemaal alleen - zodra de zon onderging. Op sommige momenten was dat een onbewust doodverzoek. "Er zijn niet veel paarden die, zonder kudde, hier nog zijn in de avond," merkte hij op, "waarom ben je hier?"

BUT THEN, THE LAMB ATTACKED LION

Met zijn ogen rollend negeerde Hallu de opmerking die de hengst over diens bloedrode ogen maakte, hij begreep niet hoe de jonge hengst erover dacht. Maar, niemand kon precies zijn gedachtegang begrijpen. En dat kon hij anderen nou eenmaal niet kwalijk nemen, zijn gedachten waren soms nou eenmaal een beetje apart.. en obsessief. Het waren niet zomaar ogen.. ze waren simpelweg.. verbijsterend. Het was de moeite niet waard om zijn gedachten aan iemand uit te leggen, dat duurde eeuwen en uiteindelijk werd hij toch altijd weer verkeerd begrepen.

Een klein lachje vormde zich rond de lippen van het bruine paard, toen Utaro wel degelijk doorvroeg naar de gehavende staat waarin zijn lichaam verkeerde. De meesten hadden het lef niet, maar daarmee durfden de meesten überhaupt niet met hem te praten. Ze zagen hem als een vechtersbaas, als een loner. Over dat eerste hadden ze wellicht gelijk, maar daarmee onderschatte ze hem wel. Daarentegen, degenen die zijn andere - zijn echte kant hadden gezien, waren niet lang genoeg in leven gebleven om het verder te vertellen. Hij kon het anderen dus ook niet echt kwalijk nemen dat ze zijn slechtheid onderschatten. "Laten we het er maar op houden dat wolven niet eens bij me in de buurt durven te komen," grinnikte hij - met een sinistere ondertoon in zijn stem - in response op de vraag van de hengst.

"Het bos - Vyrantium. Het is hypnotiserend," antwoordde de zwarte hengst, nadat Hallucination hem aan een nieuwsgierige vraag had onderworpen. Hij volgde de blik van het paard - die overigens alweer naar het bos staarde - en draaide zich daar half bij om. Hij keek even naar de bosrand en herinnerde zich nog precies hoe beeldschoon hij het vroeger vond, hoe hij hier zelf ook wel eens uren had gestaan - starend naar de schoonheid van de natuur. Maar dat was verleden tijd. En in zijn nieuwe leven, had hij niet zoveel interesse in de schoonheid van de natuur. Eerder in de schoonheid van lichamen, lijken om preciezer te zijn. De schim draaide zich weer terug naar Utaro en glimlachte. "Het is prachtig, inderdaad," stemde hij in, "maar voor alsnog, is het niet een beetje gevaarlijk.. hier zo alleen.. zonder kudde om je te beschermen?"

BUT THEN, THE LAMB ATTACKED LION

After the brown coloured stallion had confirmed the beauty of the forest, especially in the slight stripes of moonlight crossing through the air, there was only one more thing to wonder. Why was the other stallion here? In the darkest of hours, all by himself? Most loners weren't suicidal enough to do so, neither were horses who belonged to a herd - they would just stick with the rest, in protection of their great leader (who still probably wouldn't survive much more than a minute in a fight with the shade). "But it's still dangerous being here all by yourself.. Without your herd to protect you.." the slight sinister tone in his voice hadn't left just yet, neither had the dark - but still curious - look in his eyes. He noticed Utaro's discomfort, and had to suppress the propensity to burst out into laughter when the other stepped back a small distance. But scaring the horse away with his hoarse, low and far from actual humorous laughter wouldn't be fun. He couldn't just lose a prey like that.

"What's wrong, Utaro?" he like the way the stallion's name rolled over his tongue, he actually even enjoyed knowing his name - not just because it made it easier for Hallucination himself to track him down. "Are you.. scared?" he spoke, with a small, faked joyful laughter - as if he was just joking. "I never said that I shouldn't be protected," although he really didn't need any protection, "I'm just a bit of a daredevil, it's dumb but.. I stroll around a lot at night. Things just seem to be a bit more thrilling in the darkness," he smiled. The shade was lucky that he was a good liar, otherwise he wouldn't get to talk a lot with others - as they probably flee right away when they find out who or what he really is. He took a small step forward, followed by another - until the distance Utaro made between them seemed to have never exist. "I just, don't know that much horses out there who are as.. adventurous and maybe a little dumb as I am, I was just curious - that's all."

BUT THEN, THE LAMB ATTACKED LION

"A daredevil, hmm?" the words rolled over the other stallions' lips in an almost enchanting way, which made Hallucination shiver. "That just can't be a bad thing." The other was now uncomfortably close to him, maybe too close.. maybe not - at this point the brown shade couldn't really think straight anymore. He couldn't help but notice how good the stallion smelled, how beautiful he looked - even though he thought that he had lost his sense for beauty - the thought alone made his mouth water, made him lick his lips. He - without even really thinking about it - glanced up to the sky, to make sure it really wasn't blue moon yet.

One bite couldn't hurt? Could it?
He wouldn't die from just one little bit..
Just a taste.

Hallucination shook his head, in an attempt to lose the thoughts. He knew goddamn well that one bite wouldn't be enough, that he would want to keep feeding himself and that it would leave him even more hungry if he couldn't finish it. Although his entire body was tense because of the deliciously close presence of the stallion, which was so goddamn hard to resist, he didn't take a step back. He couldn't, he wanted to stick as close as possible to the beautiful creature in front of him. Perhaps he had even moved a slight step forward, without even noticing himself.

Just take a few steps back, Hallu, it won't make you less intimidating.
You won't be able to contain yourself, just leave him be.
You can find him at the next blue moon, if you really want to.

And again, he shook is head - just this time a little bit less subtle and more furiously. The two different voices in his head made it feel like there was a devil on his left shoulder and an angel on his right shoulder, it was both intriguing and irritating - mostly the last, as it absolutly angered him. There was never really a silence in his head. With every move he made, one of the two voices would get mad with him. At this state of his not very lively "life", you would think that only the devil would matter, the dark side. But sometimes it felt like his previous soul had never actually left him, like there was still a part of him that wanted to be good - to do good. But, that wasn't possible - he was no longer a moral creature. He only acted out of hunger or a thirst for blood.

He looked up to Utaro, his eyes moving over his entire body. Picturing everything, memorizing everything - so he would never forget. He ended up staring into the red eyes, once again - trying to look away but finding himself unable to do so. A small grin appeared around his lips, although he wasn't really sure why it appeared - it wasn't out of happiness, was it? "A daredevil isn't always too bad, no. It can get you into.. very surprising situation - and relationships," he said with a small chuckle, as he suddenly rediscovered his ability to speak. "You never answered my question, Utaro, why are you all alone?" he added.

BUT THEN, THE LAMB ATTACKED LION

The brown coloured shade was rather amused, when he noticed the other stallion mouthing the word 'relationship' a few times - he actually even enjoyed the sight. When he was younger he used to be involved with some other horses, nothing too serious. He had always been afraid of others leaving him, so he left them before it could get too serious instead. Mares, stallions - to him it never really mattered, he used to get the best of both worlds. He always assumed that he would have enough time later for a serious relationship, that he would have time to search for someone he would actually want to settle with. But he never got that time. And now, he has ran into multiple possible candidates for that position, one was standing in front of him right now, but he met them in a state which enabled him to love. Instead of wanting to love the gorgeous stallion, whom was standing before him, he preferred eating him.

"You never answered my question, Utaro, why are you all alone?" A small shiver ran down his spine, when Utaro red eyes' stared straight into his own. "I couldn't bear the hectics of a herd anymore," the horse eventually answered, while taking a step closer to him. The distance between them was now so small, that one slight movement with his head would cause Hallucination to touch the stallions' nose. How tempting it was, he didn't move his head for even the slightest bit - afraid to scare the other away. He just hoped that Utaro would move, to show him that he was willing to touch. It would make things easier for him. The tension between them was almost unbearable. "I always thought that one had to be alone, to be able to find himself. I guess I was wrong." He let out a small sigh when the other pulled back.

Quickly he took a small step forward. "And why is that?" He looked at the stallion questioningly, wondering why he guessed to be wrong now. "I actually think it's true that a horse needs to be on itself to discover who he truly is, being around others does change us." He hesitated for a slight moment, but then moved his head. Their noses were hanging right next to each other, softly touching sideways. He slowly moved his nose upwards, barely touching the stallions' coat. He had unconsciously stepped even closer and stopped moving as soon as his mouth reached Utaro's ear. "Why did you change your mind?" he softly whispered.

BUT THEN, THE LAMB ATTACKED LION

Hallucination slowly moved his head downwards again. He took the slightest step backwards, so their heads were hanging right in front of each other - almost touching. "I changed my mind... when I met someone who made me feel things. Feelings I never felt before." A small chuckle escaped his mouth, as he curiously looked at the stallion. Wondering who  he was talking about. "It was like I walked into a cave full of mirrors, and I saw my real self for the first time. And I discovered something." This time it was Utaro who moved, he shifted his head towards the brown stallions ear. "Being around others does indeed change us. But guess what? Change isn't always bad." Utaro's whispering sounded so delightful to him, so enchanting. A smile appeared around his lips. "Change can indeed be good," but it can also be quite bad, he finished the sentence in his head, whilst keeping them silent. Being around the wrong horses, can lead to bad changes - he knew that very well. Was it really fair to expose the black and white coloured stallion to the exact same thing that happened to him? Maybe not, but after all - Hallucination never really cared about mortality. If he would tell the stallion what he actually had standing in front of him, what kind of bad changes he could go through - or maybe he what end could be waiting for him - if he spent time with him, he would just scare his most beautiful meal away. Although, that might not be that much of a problem - as he's certain that he could track the other down if he were to escape from him.

"Who made you change your mind, Utaro?" he whispered, not being able to overpower his own curiosity. He busted himself staring into the others blood red eyes, once again unable to look away. He hadn't quite discovered yet what it was about the other that made him so special, that made him actually acknowledge beauty. For some reason, the stallion appeared to be special enough for Hallucination himself to actually want to spent time with him - to not immediately murder him at the next blue moon. Maybe he could turn him, so they could stay together. He didn't know what love was any more, actually he had never known what love was. Could that still change, although he was a shade? He had never heard of a shade feeling love for someone, could he be different? How could he even know if this was love, that he felt for the stallion - who he hadn't even known a full day yet - if he had never experienced love? What the hell was even going on inside of his head? "Excuse me for being nosy," he added, with a small chuckle. Never to be rude was the only lesson he remember his mother teaching him, he tried to listen to that. Well, he maybe failed a little bit - murder might be a bit rude.

BUT THEN, THE LAMB ATTACKED LION

"It was love I met, and had never met before," the dark coloured stallion answered. "I never met you before, did I?" Hallucination shook his head, whilst for a moment looking up to the dark blue sky. When he met the others eyes again it felt like everything around him disappeared. He still hadn't figured out what was so intriguing about Utaro's red eyes, it couldn't just be the unusual colour that made him so obsessive. But after all, the brown shade had obsessive written all over him - he had always been an obsessive type, so it wasn't weird that he could go crazy over something as an eye colour. "Love is what changes us the most," he answered after a moment of silence, "it can be an incredibly dangerous thing as well, it blinds you."  Had he himself ever really been blindly in love? Had he even ever changed because of love? He didn't remember whether he had or not, he didn't think so - as he didn't remember really loving someone either. "And no, I don't that we ever met before," he said, smiling. It was a genuine smile, he didn't have to fake it. If he had known what happiness truly was, he would perhaps be feeling that. But he didn't know, of course.

"It feels like we have, though," he admitted. It really did feel like the two had met before, like they've known each other for way longer than only.. what was it - an hour? Maybe even less. That was what felt like for Hallucination at least, he obviously wasn't sure what the others thoughts were. That was something he had always wanted, the ability to read someone's mind. He was actually quite good at guessing what someone was thinking, but he would love to be able to always know for sure. The speed and the ability to just disappear - that he gained when he became a shade - were quite awesome, but mind reading would make an even cooler superpower.